Issyisms

except love. love for one person.

The rest…. 

All my friends are going away in the summer and they are all really excited about it and im not. not only am i not sitting my exams because my Father didn’t pay school fees, i willl —never— have any A-Levels.

So when my parents said no to me going on holiday after my GCSE’s they said i could go after my first AS exams. well it looks like thats not going to happen.

My Father wont pay for me to go to Africa with my boyfriend and his family and friends. not only did i want to go just to catch a fucking break but to have one last  moment with him, properly before he went on his gap year.

So this means that ill probably get to see him some time in 2013 considering he leaves for South Africa at the end of June , then to Africa for the following couple of months give or take and then he continues his gap year.

Now i have to find myself a job, basically not have a life. I’m not even 18 yet fo fucks sake.

So i have to pretty much fully support myself and try to live in London as thats where ill be working. Because a girl with Great GCSE’s can earn so much in london compared to people with degrees or even just A-Levels !!

I have to compete against people with years of experience for very little money.

i spend so much time away from ‘home’ that my cats don’t even recognize me.

stupid but kind of upsetting.

It just feels like my life should have some kind of movie made about it, its just so fucking tragic.

I’m expected to go and support myself yet i’m not old enough to be actually able to do so ?!?!?!?

i wish i was 26 living in London with a decent job that could pay the rent and that i vaguely enjoyed. that i could buy clothes that i wanted and not have to debate whether to eat for the next week/month or to buy myself some new shoes after 1 year of wearing the same pair day in day out, to the point where they have quite literally fallen apart.

Oh and wait considering i have NO clothes or shoes etc.. how am i meant to attend interviews and be taken seriously ?

I long to just be a normal teenage like all my friends. but as usual it appears i’m simply not entitled to what everyone else is.

I’m trying to make the best of this but where the fuck do i even start..

I’m SO SO SO  scared to tell my boyfriends parents. I think they are going to think i’m a failure even though me having to leave school simply wasn’t my fault. I suppose i don’t want them to judge me.

Yet, i know they will.

FUCK.  

A seal helping a helpless turtle get back into the water.

(Source: pick-it-up-and-smell-it)

(Source: letme-giveyourheartabreakx)